it has occurred to me that I have not paid you enough credit, if any. your spirit astounds me and I know that you have worked with all you can in order that I shy away from becoming sad brown girl for eternity. I am so aware of the power of tongue and speaking things into being and I’m not sure that intuition holds the same power but I continue to have these visions that my end is near me and I’m really trying my best to hold myself together in all the ways I know how. in stepping over these obstacles with very little strength left, in chanting to my soul trying to breathe life into my physical form, I can’t help but feel myself deteriorating with Cupid’s disappearance – absence of amor.
worship may never trap me, nor any altar, temple or man. please beg them not to sing me praises for my youth got lost in a world too far gone. I can only thank heaven for exposing to ugly during the years I choose to forget in order that I convince myself, paradise exists after this. It has to be the only explanation for many have attempted to build temples before me and homes out of my being preventing warm love from coming in.
mind, conscious, unconscious – still slipping away, I have spent 15 years trying to grasp my human nature and remained puzzled at 22 years too young from every possible point of view. my soul has grown weary but I continue to pray that praises are not sung of me and tears are not cupped around me. may the only thing left to be known be the fact that I fought through it all and expressed my truth the best way I knew how.
if mockery lived with thee, please do not mourn me. mama always told me never to apologize for who I am, and who my Father allowed me to be.
je ne sais quoi.
— (via frankocean)