Naledi Sibisi

2011 - date

3 notes

the overdue update

I spend the bulk of my time with the same people now
because these were the people who handled me during my fall.
I spend the remainder of what’s left at the base of my work
and projects and writing in journals that are dedicated entirely to you
that I now know I will never deliver.
I assure you that they exist,
I have emptied out numerous
pens as a testament to your effect.

one of my everydays, she tells me all the things
that I am so convinced go unnoticed about me
and she separates them into three.

here is what she says she loves about me:

1. she loves that I am wholeheartedly devoted to
all the things I attach myself to.


I have always felt that in paying the utmost attention
to everything around me and unspeakable amounts
into that which I love - to the point where I am completely
engrossed and there is no removing me is a trait that
requires devotion. in all its sincerity because I would not
study things and people in vain. ever.

2. she loves that I stand by my convictions.

I said I would write daily to you. day 1 to whenever. and I did.
I promised myself long ago I would not touch drugs because
I know my nature. I have a knack for getting addicted to 
things like music and literature and running so my imagination
tells me that my body would not tolerate substances of that nature
and I stand by it. I tell myself that despite it all, despite what may
be thrown at me for the sake of reminding me of what I once became -
I am a beautiful smudge and I stand by it.

3. she loves that I am non-judgemental.

the ultimate judge lives above us. I always wonder with what audacity
you may castigate another human being when you bleed alike. with what audacity you become the judge of measuring sins. with what audacity 
you tarnish another and ignore your own reflection. I am in no position
to pass judgement. this is the mantra. tables turn, continually. I have been cognisant of this. 

she tells me this and I am calm. I’m not great with reactions.
I remember once describing myself as a collection of contradictions.
I feel it now more than ever.

I don’t like to read novels (often) but I am dedicated to the one
I am writing. every great novelist is aware that reading is the activity
subsequent to writing. for years I have been stubborn about abiding by this.

I create outside realms I cannot physically comprehend or explain
and then expect you to understand me in my entirety.

I operate on instinct most or all of the time and then expect order
in my personal space.

I have a great knowledge of the bible and I cannot express my fear for God - the only logical fear to me and yet I allow man to make me tremble.

I love and despise you simultaneously for leaving me with all of this and nothing at all.

this is the projection of some of my paradoxes.

(exhales).

2 notes

having my family over this weekend invited nostalgia. many thanks to my dad for blessing my ear with such sounds from a young age. I can see how this song has manifested in my life at all the way to 21 and beyond. I’m an Englishman in New York.

I’m an alien I’m a legal alien
I’m an Englishman in New York
I’m an alien I’m a legal alien
I’m an Englishman in New York

If, “Manners maketh man” as someone said
Then he’s the hero of the day
It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile
Be yourself no matter what they say

I’m an alien I’m a legal alien
I’m an Englishman in New York
I’m an alien I’m a legal alien
I’m an Englishman in New York

Modesty, propriety can lead to notoriety
You could end up as the only one
Gentleness, sobriety are rare in this society
At night a candle’s brighter than the sun

Takes more than combat gear to make a man
Takes more than a license for a gun
Confront your enemies, avoid them when you can
A gentleman will walk but never run

If, “Manners maketh man” as someone said
Then he’s the hero of the day
It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile
Be yourself no matter what they say

I’m an alien I’m a legal alien
I’m an Englishman in New York
I’m an alien I’m a legal alien
I’m an Englishman in New York

11 notes

a short story

a man just told me that he wants me.
not in person,
not looking me in my eyes convincingly.

behind a glass screen
disguised by his three letter text 
out of the name blue
and a fire started within me.

you want me?

as in strong desire want? or need to possess want?
both the former and latter are inadequate for the
dragon lady.

I am legendary. I am history. I am too intense for this
here.
I boil, I burn and I am the degree of tea after a long day
that caresses
one’s throat. innately.


this is what I tell myself when my mind is populated
with the things you cannot even begin to believe
go through a single human being on a split second basis
so pardon for thinking you may not approach me
at room temperature.

but, outwardly I have packaged myself in a particular sense
and carried myself in a way that may not agree with the idea,
the mere possibility that substance lives inside me
because your society keeps singing the song
that a girl with
a) consciousness of attire
b) detail to make up
c) hair done
d) irrational behaviour

and all those other rules that apply is one with depreciated personality or quality and this is the type of girl to want and the type of girl to notify about the want.

I don’t walk around with downcast eyes
or ones emptied of passion.
I make eye contact even when you are foreign to me
because I want you to understand that I acknowledge you,
I appreciate you,
I am grateful for your existence.

I smile at any given turn
when I am being meshed inside
because it is important that people know
what warmth feels like -
without the need for physical touch.

this is the girl he was addressing.
and he doesn’t know. 

and he’ll never know.

too busy basking in his want.

26 notes

cassava

inbetweenlove:

for a long while all i really wanted to do was come apart in the warm of your skin, somewhere in the underworld of flesh. that i was so sure would keep me safe, it would perhaps for a moment stop the wounds becoming black holes that everything about me would get sucked in to, stolen even. but…